Infertility Sucks!

I know quite a few people who struggle or have struggled with infertility, I am here to tell you that just because you succeed in having a baby doesn't mean the struggle with infertility goes away, at least it hasn't for me and I have two babies... I am at the age right now that all of my friends are having kids. Tim and I had our kids pretty young, thankfully, the fertility doctor says this is one reason we succeeded with getting pregnant, anyway it seems right now that everyone I know is having a baby or trying to have a baby and I am VERY happy for them, I really am! They are all going to be great parents and most of them are already doing a great job and are just adding to there blessings, but seeing them, watching them and cheering for them is also a reminder that for me that chapter in my life is closed. I have tried very hard to find peace with being done having babies, I have prayed and talked it out and prayed and threw fits and thought about doing the treatments one more time, and prayed some more. I love kids, I love the chaos that is my life with kids, my kids are crazy little firecrackers that never EVER stop, they are loud and can turn any situation into a 3 ring circus...I tend to be high strung and probably am not the best choice of a mom for fire cracker children, God thought differently, I don't do well when my kids are wild in public or when they have a meltdown where the whole store is watching, for all of these reasons I should be OK with being done having babies, but that desire doesn't die for me. I want one more... I do, it is a fact. But infertility robs me of that choice. I am so jealous that woman can just get pregnant, I am so resentful of the fact that I will never experience that feeling of peeing on a pregnancy stick and getting a plus sign just because I had a fun night with my husband, and I am so bitter about the fact that I can't seem to get over being infertile...I always thought I would get over it, move past it, cope with it, but I am learning you don't just get over something that is a permanent part of your life and I am fed up for all of the woman out there who can not conceive at all, I am so saddened and burdened for them. I feel like God is cheating them out of something wonderful, the injustice of it makes me sick to my stomach, I know that people say "they can adopt" and adoption is a beautiful wonderful thing but it is very challenging, and I feel like if they have the challenge of  being infertile they shouldn't have to have a challenge to adopt....Tonight my heart is heavy for everyone suffering from infertility, I want to say to you that I am so sorry that you have to carry this cross, I am so sorry for the tears it will cause you to cry and I am sorry of the things it will rob from you. I know that words can't fix it, I know that hurting doesn't stop just because I tell you that I have been there, and I know you will find no comfort in my telling you it will be okay. So tonight I am not going to say any of those things. Tonight I am going to be sad with you because you know what , Infertility sucks....

http://youtu.be/e8HgAVenbUU

But there is HOPE for the hopeless. Jesus bring the rain!